Family
Feud
Part
1: Wet and Wild with Water Balloons
“VAN!” Billie’s obnoxious voice boomed through the Candy Store.
“I didn’t do anything!” he yelled back even though he knew it was a lie. Van held back his laughter when he noticed she had booted up her computer and found the nice little wallpaper he had placed on her desktop.
“What the hell is this?” Billie asked as she pointed to her screen, which showed two girls in a lip lock.
“I don’t… know…” Van replied, trying to hold back his laughter, but was unable to. He burst as she glared back at him.
Billie knew
he had hacked into her computer yet again, and this time, he was going to pay
for it. She also knew Van had a habit of doing these things. She had to think
real hard about what she was gonna do to him this time. Finally, it hit her…
her stun gun!
‘Oh, perfect,’
Billie thought, a sly smile coming across her face as she reached into her back
pocket while Van continued to laugh as if he would fall over any time soon.
She pulled the little device out of her pocket, turning it to the lowest setting
(she didn’t want to hurt him too much, but just enough to make him remember).
Billie
walked up to Van, the stun gun behind her back. He was laughing so hard he
didn't even notice her approach. Billie pulled out the stun gun and shocked him
on the arm.
"OWWWWWWW!"
Van cried pitifully, his wail resonating throughout the entire building when he
felt the electrical current running through his arm. "That's not funny,”
he yelled catching his breath “It hurt!”
"Well,
maybe you'll remember that the next time you want to do something this stupid
again," Billie said with a snicker. "Now, get this shit off my
computer!” she ordered.
Van rubbed
his arm as he clicked a couple of different icons to set the screen back to its
default setting, then quickly scurried away from Billie, realizing she was still
armed and dangerous. But this wasn’t the end of it. He had another little
trick up his sleeve to get her back for the shock in the arm.
“Deaq,
give me a hand,” Van said once he found his partner in the lounge relaxing on
the sofa.
“Van,
what are you doing?” Deaq questioned when he pulled a pack of balloons out of
his pants’ pocket and threw them to him. “Water balloons? What happened with
you and Billie this time?”
“She
shocked me, in both senses of the word,” Van answered as he grabbed a handful
of the balloons and began to fill them at the sink with several different
things: water, whipped cream, and soap. Boy, Billie was in for one hell of a
surprise.
Deaq shook
his head, but this idea was intriguing. He followed Van’s lead and began
filling his own set of balloons. After having finished the entire bag, they
placed them in a box for safe keeping, just to make sure Billie didn’t find
them and use them for her own purposes.
“So,
what’s with the water balloons?” Deaq asked as he gently placed the last
balloon down on top of the other forty-nine.
“Billie’s
gonna get it today,” Van replied as he picked up the box and carried it
upstairs to the second floor theater seats. He picked the perfect location, one
without a car in the way and stood there looking down at Deaq. “This is
perfect!” he exclaimed.
“Van,
you’d better be ready for consequences when this little plan of yours is put
into play,” Deaq warned.
“I’ll
cross that bridge when I get to it,” Van replied as he came back downstairs.
“VAN!
DEAQ! Get you asses over here!” Billie hollered, her voice echoing through the
Candy Store.
“We
didn’t do anything!” they both replied in unison as they began to walk
towards the originating point of the sound. Billie was standing at the entrance,
the keys to her Mercedes in her hand with a scowl on her face.
“Capt.
Perish gave us a quick bust over at the marina. Some little shit is trying to
smuggle pot into the country again,” she informed them, quickly turning and
heading out.
Van rolled
his eyes, remembering the last time he made a bust at the marina. It wasn’t a
pleasant experience. After all, he was almost turned into a woman. Van cringed
at the thought, pushing it to the back of his mind. He grabbed his keys and
proceeded to the marina with Deaq, hoping that he could leave the speedboat
incident behind once and for all.
The water
balloons would have to wait until later.
*~*~*
Van and
Deaq walked into the Candy Store followed by Billie. The bust had gone well. As
Billie walked into her office to do paper work, Van ran up to the second floor
where the balloons were stashed. "Okay, Deaq, you gotta get her out of her
office and into the spot," he said.
"How
in the hell am I supposed to do that?" Deaq whispered loudly from the first
floor.
"I
don't know, I didn't think that far ahead. I'm sure you can figure something
out. Now go!" Van replied. Deaq looked up at his partner and flipped him
the bird as he walked towards Billie's office.
Deaq
nervously walked into Billie’s office, regretting that he had agreed to do
this with Van. “Hey, Billie,” he said, trying to get her attention away from
the paperwork and keep her out of Van’s line of sight all at once.
“What?”
she retorted, not looking up.
“Could
you come here for a second? I think there’s something wrong with one of the
cars,” Deaq replied.
“Get
Van, he’s the resident mechanic,” Billie flatly answered as she continued to
scribble things down in her reports.
“Even
when it’s your car?” he asked, quickly getting her attention.
“What’s
wrong with my car?” she questioned, getting up from her seat and following him
into the showroom.
Van peeked
out from his hiding place on the second floor to see that Deaq had successfully
gotten Billie to follow him out of her office. They were quickly approaching the
designated area when he picked up his first balloon, making sure it was filled
with only water. He wanted to surprise her before he got into the major stuff.
When Deaq had Billie positioned right where Van wanted her, he poked his head
over the rail and dropped the balloon.
Billie
felt something hit her head then explode, water quickly soaking her dark hair
and white shirt as she screamed, “HEY!” and looked up. Van dropped another
balloon, hitting her in the face this time. In almost that exact second, Deaq
walked up behind her and planted a balloon square in her ass. Billie screamed
and ran behind a car, which was where she found Deaq’s stash of balloons.
‘Oh, you’re gonna get it now,’ she said to herself and peeked up to throw
a balloon at Van, who had made his way downstairs with his arms full of
balloons.
He ducked
and sang, “HA HA! You missed me!” as he threw another balloon, which missed
his target and hit the hood of the car. Billie moved out from behind it and
found Deaq standing unprotected. She snuck up behind him and threw her balloon,
hitting him in the neck.
“Son of
a BITCH!” Deaq yelled as he ducked her second shot and dove behind another car
where Van had conveniently positioned himself with his stack of balloons. He
handed Deaq one filled with cream.
“On the
count of three, we strike. Okay? One… Two… THREE!” Van and Deaq jumped out
from behind the car, surprising Billie enough to make her freeze. Both balloons
hit her in the face, covering her with cream. Billie stood there, dumbfounded,
as she wiped her face, the whipped cream stinging her eyes and filling her
mouth. Oh, she was pissed now!
“YOUR
ASSES ARE MINE!” she bellowed, grabbing two balloons as the pair tried to stop
laughing and dodge her. She hit Van with a soap balloon and Deaq with a cream
balloon. But her assault didn’t stop there. Billie grabbed a slew of balloons
and ran upstairs where she knew she could easily hit them without fear of being
hit back. But even as she tried to dodge Van and Deaq’s several throws, she
was still hit with the occasional soap or cream balloon.
“Victory
is mine!” Billie yelled at the top of her lungs when she realized Van and Deaq
had run out of balloons and started pelting them with hers. Oh, she got them
good, to say the least. By the time she reached her last balloon, Van had taken
off her soaking shirt and threw it to the floor, his body slicked with a mix of
whipped cream, soap, and water. Deaq, on the other hand, had retreated, hiding
behind a car and praying that she was done with him.
Billie
focused on Van, who was still panting from the excursion. She walked back
downstairs, her last soap filled balloon rolling around in her hand. “Now
I’ve got you where I want you,” she told him with a mischievous and almost
devilish look in her eyes.
Billie
approached Van with the balloon in hand. He stood up straight and started
laughing. "Okay, you win!" he said hoping she wouldn't get him.
"I
win after I bean you with this!" she exclaimed. Van slowly backed away and
put his hands up.
"I
give up," he was still laughing. Billie advanced on him causing Van to walk
faster. She started to wind up to make her last throw. Van turned around and
ran. "Deaq! She's gonna get me! Hit her, will ya!" Van yelled as her
ran around the showroom with Billie following him.
Deaq stood
up from his hiding place to watch. Billie had Van trapped between two cars. She
laughed and threw her final soapy balloon. He dunked in time to avoid it, but as
he stood up again, he saw the mortified expression on Billie’s face. He turned
around to find Captain Perish standing behind him, his face dripping with soap
as he tried to wipe it off without getting it all over himself.
“Um…”
Billie stammered, trying to figure out what she was going to say next. Perish
looked like he was going to walk over to her and ring her neck. “There’s a
really good explanation for this…”
“There had better be!” he almost yelled, making his way towards her. Billie swallowed, hard. She was in deep shit. But as soon as Perish was finished with her, Van and Deaq would suffer for her misfortune. Just how was she gonna make them pay this time?