Family Feud
Part
2: The Shaving Cream Fiasco
"Damn
it, Deaq, stop squirming!" Van griped at his partner as he finished lacing
up the roller skates on his feet.
"I
don't know Van, are you sure this is easy?" Deaq asked, apprehensive to the
whole idea.
"Yeah,
now stand up," Van said as he pulled him to his feet on the showroom floor.
"What
the hell are you two doing?!" Billie yelled as she looked up form her
computer screen.
"Nothing
sir!" Van hollered back as he got Deaq to his feet. "Now, all you have
to do is move your feet like you are walking," he said as he pulled his
partner across the floor.
Deaq moved
his feet as if he were taking baby steps. "Okay, this isn't so bad,"
he said.
"Great,
now go a little faster," Van told him.
"NO!"
Deaq yelled only to be given a shove by Van. Before he knew it, he was kissing
Billie's desk. She looked up from her computer screen, completely surprised and
dumbfounded as Deaq slowly lifted himself off of her desk.
“What
the hell are you two doing?” she yelled at him, now getting pissed about the
interruption. Van’s incessant laughter began to fill her ears as she stood up
to find him. He was on the floor behind one of the cars, tears streaming down
his face as he continued to laugh at the stunt he and Deaq had pulled.
“You
stupid piece of shit,” Billie said calmly as she glared down at him. She
offered her hand and Van reached up to take it for assistance. He was halfway up
when she let go. He fell back flat on his ass and looked up to see her laughing.
“Revenge
is a bitch, Van,” Billie replied, turning around and heading back to her desk
as she continued giggling.
Van sat up
and glared at Billie. "You're gonna get it!" he yelled as he got up
off his ass.
Deaq was
still sitting on his ass and laughing at her dropping Van. "Here we go
again," he said.
Billie
walked back into her office to find Deaq still clinging to her desk. "Here,
let me help you," she replied with a mischievous smile.
"Oh
no, I’m fine!" Deaq answered, images of what awful things she could do
flashing in his head. Billie pulled his hands off her desk and turned him
around. She held on to his shoulders until Van was standing in front of the car,
right where she wanted him. "Okay, now reach for the car!" she sang as
she gave him a shove.
"Billie!!!!!!"
Deaq yelled as he went sailing in Van's direction. Van looked up in time to see
Deaq hit him full force. The impact knocked them both to the floor.
“Get off
me!” Van yelled as he shoved Deaq off his chest and sat up, the scowl present
on his face as he glared at Billie again. “You’re going down, bitch!”
“Come
and get me!’ she taunted, laughing on hell of a sinister laugh that told Van
she didn’t believe him. Oh, he’d make her believe him, as soon as his ass
stopped hurting.
Van stood
and limped his way up the stairs. She asked for it so he was going to give it to
her. Deaq pulled off his skates and hurriedly ran up after Van. "We're not
gonna have another balloon fiasco are we?" he asked, remembering the last
time almost too clearly.
"No,
this is gonna be much better," Van said with that look in his eyes.
Deaq
picked up the darts, "Challenge? I'll win this time."
Van took a
dart and laughed, "You're on!"
They
played darts for a few minutes and were down to the last dart each. This point
would tell all. Deaq threw his and got it in the ring right outside the
bull’s-eye. Van was up now. He needed a bull’s-eye to win. What neither guy
had noticed was that Billie had quietly made her way upstairs and was watching
them. She walked up behind Van. She knew she was asking for it, bit this was
more than worth it. Van was winding up to throw the last dart. She had timed it
perfectly.
As he was
getting ready to throw it, she yelled with a bark, "VAN!" He threw the
dart into the wall and turned on her.
"BILLIE!!
That was not funny!!" he bellowed as Billie and Deaq crumpled into
hysterical laughing masses on the floor.
Van ran a
frustrated hand through his hair and walked over to the dart board to pick the
darts out of it for a rematch, but with his focus waning to the laughing idiots
on the floor, he pricked himself with one of the sharp points. He held back a
painful whine and one of his best ideas hit him. He was lucky enough to find
Deaq helping Billie to her feet, and she was just where he wanted her. With
precision aim, Van threw the dart at her back where it landed right on her ass,
the point sticking to her like Velcro.
“YEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!”
Billie screamed as she reached behind her and pulled the dart out of her ass.
There was a murderous look in her eyes as she glared at Van. She started to
lunge at him, but he back away, making her hit the wall behind him as he laughed
at her.
“It’s
only fair! You hurt me, so I hurt you back!” Van yelled, referring to the stun
gun, as he tried to stay two steps ahead of her, but she was pretty quick, even
in three inch heels.
Billie’s
eyes narrowed as she came up to face him. “This is NOT over,” she warned,
then turned around, rubbing her sore ass as she walked back downstairs to her
office, fuming that she could let Van do that to her and let him get away with
it. But she knew she’d get even. ‘Tomorrow,’ she told herself, smiling
wickedly. ‘Tomorrow he’s gonna get what’s coming to him.’
*~*~*
The next
morning, Van was running a little late. He had awoken around
Billie was
already in her office that morning when Van arrived. She watched as he headed
off to the bathroom and reached into her desk to pull out the sling shot she had
hidden there earlier that morning. Her intentions were to get him when he least
expected it.
Van left
the door open not realizing Billie was already in the office waiting for him. He
laid out his things on the counter and picked up the can of shaving cream.
That’s when Billie saw her opportunity to get him a little worse than he got
her. She aimed the sling shot at the can and placed a small sharp rock inside.
With a wide smile on her face, she pulled the rubber band back and let it go.
With a
loud POP, the can exploded in Van’s hands, its contents flying out in all
directions, hitting the wall, the mirror, and most of all, his brand new tee
shirt and khakis and his face. Billie tried to hold in her laughter as she
approached him, but as she got closer to the scene, she burst.
Van wiped
his face with his clean hand and looked at her, expressionless. He had no idea
how to react. He was still in shock about the can exploding in his hand. When he
heard Billie’s laughter behind him, he turned around to see her holding her
sides as she tried to stay upright.
“Come
here!” Van said, stretching out his arms to give her a big bear hug. Billie
tried to escape him, but he was already upon her, his arms closing in on her
waist as she struggled to get away. Now they were both covered in white goo,
laughing hysterically as Deaq approached them, looking a bit confused about what
had just happened.
"Let
go of me!" Billie screamed laughing.
"Never!"
Van exclaimed, lifting her up off the floor and spinning her around.
Deaq just
stood at the door speechless. He had gathered that Billie had done something to
Van, but couldn't imagine where the white goo had come from. After spinning
Billie around in circles about ten times, Van set her down and let her walk.
Laughing, she took a step and fell into him.
"What
happened here?" Deaq asked amused by all that was going on.
"She
blew the shaving cream can up right in my hand!" Van replied, wiping the
clumps of white out of his hair and shaking them off his hand as he held Billie
with the other. “Then I got her back for it.”
“Let me
go,” she said, gently easing herself out of his grasp and finally gaining her
footing, which was still a bit uneasy. “You are such a dick,” Billie added
with a giggle.
“I hope
that teaches you not to mess with me,” Van replied.
“This is
not over yet, Ray,” Billie warned, walking out of the building and heading to
her apartment so she could change into something else. ‘This is just the
beginning,’ she added to herself with a sly smile.
“You got that right,” Van yelled behind her. He was already planning his attack for the next day.