Family
Feud
Part 7: Don’t Drink the Coffee!
Billie was
impatiently pacing her redecorated office the next morning, almost completely
biting off her nails in the process. That night had been a long one. A team of
carpenters and god knew who else had been dispatched to the Candy Store to get
her stuff down from the ceiling. How Van and Deaq had managed to get it up there
was still a big question she wanted answered, and NOW! But with the heavy
sedatives she had slipped into Van’s coffee that morning, there was no way she
was getting him to talk any time soon.
There was
a good reason for the sedatives… Billie had formulated her revenge the night
before as she watched the carpenters work on removing the glue from her desk. A
Sharpie marker had fallen from one of her drawers and hit her on the head.
That’s when the idea also struck her. That morning she had gone to the drug
store to buy the strongest over the counter pills. Mixing them with the coffee
she had made, she gave the cup to Van, who hadn’t suspected a thing, and
watched as he downed it.
‘Jeez,
he must be tired. What the hell happened to him last night?’ Billie thought to
herself when she noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes. She started to feel
sorry for him, but looked up to see the chair still stuck to the ceiling and
remembered why she was going to prank him that morning. Van deserved what he was
about to get, if only those damn sleeping pills would kick in already!
Van sat
down on the couch after he threw out the empty coffee cup Billie had given him
only moments ago. He was a little surprised to see that some of her stuff had
already come down from the ceiling, but the chair was still left up there, which
made him all the more nervous. As for last night, it had been a rough one, his
dreams being haunted by the goddess that now stood in her office watching him
intently. That near kiss set off a chain reaction in his mind. He couldn’t
stop thinking about her. She was so beautiful and witty and… HOT! ‘Why does
she have to haunt my dreams?’ Van thought solemnly, letting his head sink a
little when he started to feel really tired all of a sudden. Before he knew it,
he was out cold, his only thought being about Billie naked on his bed.
Billie
knew Van was asleep the second she saw his head droop down and roll to the side.
Oh, this was going to be so much fun! She grabbed the Sharpie off her desk and
ran over to the couch where he had chosen to knock himself out on. Gently
pushing Van back, Billie straddled his waist, a very mischievous smile coming
across her lips when several dirty images began to flow through her mind. She
quickly shook them out of her head and uncapped her marker.
Billie
knew exactly what she was going to do. She started with Van’s forehead,
drawing a couple of large horns just below his hairline, then making her way
down to his nose, where she blackened the tip and drew a few whiskers. Sitting
back, she surveyed her work and nearly burst out laughing. With the amount of
sleeping pills she had slipped into his coffee, she was perfectly fine with the
outburst. It was then that Deaq chose to show his face.
“What’s
so funny?” he asked, walking into the showroom from the parking lot with a
very confused look on his face. That all changed the second he glanced at Van
and nearly fell to the floor laughing. “Oh, you didn’t!” Deaq chuckled.
“Yes, I
did!” Billie squealed with delight.
“Gimmie
that pen!” he ordered, grabbing the marker out of Billie’s hand and starting
on his own little masterpiece on Van’s cheek. He started with something
simple, a heart, and began to spin off on all the things Valentine related,
including the arrow and a special little message that he knew would get him in
trouble with both Van and Billie, but that was the last thing on Deaq’s mind.
When he finished, he stepped back letting her finally see what he had drawn and
handing back the marker.
“I love
Billie!” she nearly yelled seeing the little message inside the heart.
"Deaq!! I’m gonna kill you!! Come back here!" Billie screamed as she
threw the marker at him and stood up to chase him around the warehouse.
Billie
quit the chase when she realized they had woken Van with the noise. “Will you
guys shut the fuck up?” he sleepily asked, draping his arm over his eyes and
rolling over to the side a tad for comfort. He was out cold again, allowing
Billie to continue chasing Deaq around the showroom until he finally jumped on
one of the cars and called a truce.
“Get off
my car!” Billie shrieked when she realized he was on her silver Benz.
“Oh,
shit! I’m sorry, Billie,” Deaq quickly apologized as he jumped off. He knew
he had pissed her off again and prayed that she wouldn’t get even with him as
harshly as she had the other day with the duct tape.
*~*~*
It was
about three in the afternoon when Van finally came to. He got off the couch and
walked downstairs to Billie's office. "So, what do you want me to do
now?" he asked, hoping she would flirt with him but she didn't look up
right away.
Billie
wanted to send him to the bathroom to look at his face but she couldn't do that.
"Me and Deaq haven't eaten yet. Why don't you run down to Pinks and get us
all some hot dogs and drinks?" she replied. That was the most crowded place
in
Van made
his way to the crowded hot dog stand, several people looking at him strangely,
especially the lady who took his order. Several others pointed and snickered. He
started to wonder what the hell was going on, but his order was soon called, and
he quickly made a point to get the hell out of there. What the hell had been so
funny? Van decided to let that simmer until he reached the Candy Store again and
dropped off the food to his fellow officers.
As he
walked into the cool warehouse, Van quickly scoped out Billie and Deaq in her
office, laughing hysterically over what he didn’t know. “Hey, guys?” he
asked. They looked up at him and burst out once more. “What the hell is so
funny?”
“Um…
Maybe you should go to the bathroom,” Billie giggled, trying to stay as calm
as possible.
“Is
there something on my face?” Van questioned before making his way towards the
bathroom.
“Uh…
you could say that,” Deaq replied, making him all the more worried.
Van
sprinted into the bathroom, turning on the light and taking a good look in the
mirror. He screamed in horror when he saw the drawings on his face. The girly
shriek pushed Billie and Deaq overboard. They started to laugh so hard they fell
out of their chairs as their sides began to split with pain. This was too much
for either of them to bear. Billie could feel the hot tears stream down her
cheeks as she tried to right herself by using the edge of the desk for support,
but continued to fall off of it as more waves of laughter passed over her.
Billie and
Deaq started to crawl on all fours towards the doorway of the office to the
bathroom to see Van but fell on the floor laughing. Billie thought her sides
were gonna split. Deaq was sure he was gonna suffocate from laughter. Suddenly
Van was there standing over them.
"Okay,
who did it?" he yelled. Billie looked up and crumpled into tears again.
"Deaq! Was it you or her?" he yelled getting in his face.
Deaq tried
to talk, but he was laughing too hard. All he could do is point at Billie then
at himself. "So, it was both of you!" Van hollered getting up. Billie
was doubled over laughing now. Van stepped over Deaq and kneeled down in front
of her. “Okay, so, how do I get this stuff off my face?" he hissed. She
just shrugged and continued to laugh harder.
“Scrub…
Scrub… Scrub…” Billie managed before she doubled over again.
Van was
fuming now. He stood up and walked over to Billie’s leg. A swift kick to her
shin and it was the end of her laughing. She was now doubling over in pain
instead. Van gave her a satisfied smirk before he walked back into the bathroom
to take her advice. This was going to be a long day.
“OW!”
Billie cried as he held her leg. Van had kicked her pretty hard, but she knew
she deserved it. For Van, this was instant gratification. ‘Baby,’ she
quickly thought, realizing that this was only something a five year old could
pull.
Deaq
continued to laugh until Van glared at him and said, “You’re next if you
don’t shut up.” He stopped laughing and rolled over onto his back. He
finally stood up and walked into the bathroom where Van was scrubbing the marker
off his face. He had gotten parts of the horns off already, but the “I love
Billie” heart was still there, as obvious as ever, especially now that his
face was red from all the scrubbing. It made the thing stick out like a sore
thumb!
Deaq
couldn’t stop his chuckle as he approached Van very carefully. Van glared at
him through the mirror, grabbing the soap and continuing to rub his face with it
until he thought it would bleed. Deaq walked up to Van and snatched the bar of
soap out of his hand. "There, there. Easy boy. We worked hard to get her
brand on you!" Deaq said with a big smile on his face. "Now, come on
out to pasture with the rest of us," he added with a final smirk before
pulling on Van's arm.
“Fuck
you!” Van nearly yelled in his face, grabbing the bar of soap back, but it
slipped out of his hand and landed on the floor. He reached down to try and grab
it, but it continued to evade is grasp. Too frustrated to continue chasing the
soap, Van finally gave up and went back into the bathroom, pushing Deaq out and
slamming the door in his face as he began to look for another bar of soap.
“Come
on, Van, I was just kidding!” Deaq yelled through the door.
“Bull
shit! I know this was all you!” Van hollered back angrily, finally finding
another bar of soap, even though this one smelled like rose petals.
‘Billie’s doing,’ he immediately thought. He didn’t care. Soap was soap.
So what if he’d smell like a girl for a little while. Maybe Billie would flirt
with him a little more if he used it. ‘Oh, what the hell am I think about her
for? She’s the one who did this to me! I should be thinking about a way to get
some revenge!’ Van scolded himself.
He tried
to think of a few good scare tactics, but it was nearly impossible. She looked
so cute when she laughed. ‘Oh, god… I am in love with her,’ came his
revelation like a bolt of lightening.
“When
the hell are you gonna get out of there!” Deaq yelled from outside the door,
startling Van out of his thoughts. “I need to pee!”
“Go take
a piss in the alley!” Van retorted. “I’m gonna be a while!”
"Oh
god!" Van said to himself as he leaned against the wall once he knew Deaq
was gone. This couldn't be happening. "Get a grip man," he told
himself. He went to the sink
splashed some cold water on his face then went out into the showroom and made
his way up to the balcony so he could stare down on her. 'I seriously hope Deaq
doesn't see me up here,' he thought.
Billie was
in her office when she looked up to see Van make a dash out of the bathroom
upstairs. "What the hell is that fool doing?" she asked herself.
She noticed a couple minutes later that he had taken a seat in the
balcony and was looking at her. She didn't pay any attention and went back to
her work. But then it struck her. "I wonder how quick his reflexes
are?" she thought to her self.
So she
looked around the office and found an abridged Webster’s Dictionary. She
picked up the huge volume and walked out of her office to the bottom of the
balcony. When she had positioned herself just right, she yelled, "Hey Van,
catch!" and threw the enormous
book up at him. Van had enough time to react to the point that he could barely
clutch the book as it flew into his chest and he threw him over a couple chairs
to the ground with a big thump!
*Cough.*
"Billie!” Van hollered from his position on the floor. As soon as he
yelled her name she was there to take the book off him and help him up. Once he
was standing, he grabbed her around the neck and asked, "Why did you do
that?"
Billie
swallowed and looked up at Van to answer. "Well, you were standing right
there and the book was just sitting on my desk waiting to be used, and that was
the most constructive thing I could come up with," Billie blurted out at
the end as she tried to stifle the laugh. Van let go of her neck and pushed her
aside as he walked back downstairs and shook his head in disbelief of what she
had just said.
"I'm
going home," Van growled as he walked out of the Candy Store and headed for
his car, leaving Billie, and a bewildered Deaq standing there staring at him
wondering what his problem was. He had had enough of thier crap for one day. He
knew tomorrow would bring sweet revenge, just how was he gonna pull it off?
Van let
his ideas simmer as he left the parking lot and headed to the hardware store
remembering that he had to install a new faucet in the bathroom because the
other one had broken and was now leaking all over the floor. Parking just
outside the store, Van quickly ran inside to grab the few things that he needed.
As he walked through the aisles looking for parts and tools, he noticed that the
staple guns were on sale, which is when his best idea hit him. He grabbed one,
finished the rest of his shopping, then headed home to fix that leaky faucet
once and for all, and make a plan of action for tomorrow. Oh, this was
definitely going to be his ultimate revenge.
Now
beneath the leaky faucet that was contributing to his sleepless nights, Van was
already pulling it apart with a screwdriver and a pair of heavy duty pliers. His
thoughts kept drifting back to what happened at the Candy Store today and how
he’d get his revenge for what Billie and Deaq had done to him. It wasn’t
long before the perfect plan presented itself to him. He’d slip some heavy
duty sleeping pills into their coffee then somehow staple them to a wall. Just
how he was gonna do that still puzzled him, and before he could complete his
thought, the cell phone he had placed on top of the sink began to ring and
startled him into sitting up and banging his head against the sink bowl.
The crack
that came from Van’s head hitting the hard marble was almost deafening. Stars
began to appear in front of his eyes as his vision blurred and nearly blackened.
He had to force himself to keep from passing out from the amount of pain he was
feeling at the moment. Van reached up from underneath the sink and grabbed the
phone thinking, ‘Damn, that’s gonna leave a mark! Whoever is on the other
end of this phone is getting an earful!’
“What
the hell do you want?” Van growled his answer.
“Ooh, a
little pissy, aren’t we?” Billie replied, a little mockingly.
“Fuck
off, Billie,” he hissed, getting ready to hang up on her and turn off his
phone for the rest of the day.
"If
you hang up, you're fired!" Billie said just as she sensed Van was gonna
hang up.
"Fine.
What is it?" Van sighed as he rubbed his sore head.
"The
Candy Store needs a favor," she said. "Well, actually, I need the
favor," she finished. Van's previously drooping eyes weren't prepared to
come open when she said the favor. "I need you to come down and give my
Benz a good wash and wax. I need it tomorrow morning for a meeting with the
police captain."
Van's eyes
flew open and almost shot out of his head when she said this. He wasn't her
fucking lackey, why should he wash her car? "Fuck no, Billie!" Van
yelled over the phone. He knew she had to be off her rocker to ask him that.
"What the hell are you thinking? That I'm gonna do it?" he continued.
"Well,
yeah," was all she said.
Billie
knew that she could you her power over Van to get him to do it and that she
would. "Come on Van!
Pleeeeaaaaaassssssseeeeeee?" she begged in a whining tone she knew he hated
to hear a woman use.
"Oh
knock it off!" Van hollered. He heard the change in her tone of voice.
"Oh, no! You are not doing this to me again! I will not be suckered into
doing it your way!" Van said.
"Fine,"
Billie replied *sniffle sniffle* *sob* "I...I.....I....I....guess I'll
t...t...t...t...talk to you l....l...later," she sniffled.
"Fine!
I'll come wash your damn car!" Van grumbled and slammed down the phone. The
leaky sink would just have to wait. But maybe the staple gun could come into
some use…
Van made
his way back to the Candy Store again, pissed off a little more than usual, but
he had come up with a much better plan for Billie’s revenge. Instead of
stapling her to the wall like he was gonna do to Deaq, he decided to leave a few
surprises on her car after he washed it. This was definitely going to be a lot
more fun than he thought. He made sure to wipe the smile off his face when he
walked into to showroom. That would give everything away and spoil the surprise.
“Glad
you’re finally here,” Billie said, eyeing the bruise on his forehead.
“What happened to you?”
“Well, I
kinda had a little run in with the bathroom sink. You see, unlike you, I
actually fix things by myself. I don’t need anyone to do things for me,” Van
retorted.
“Are you
implying something?” she replied.
“No, not
at all,” he sarcastically remarked as he made his way towards her car. Once
she was out of range, he smiled, his thoughts already turning to the horrible
deeds he was about to do.
He started
with the inside of the car, working his way out leaving little surprises here
and there for her to find the next day. Once done with the inside, he started on
the rims, making sure to make the sloppiest mess possible and leaving the shiny
chrome streaky. Pleased with his work, Van moved on until the entire car was
finished; windows were streaky, rims were ruined, so on and so forth. Still, it
was the surprise hidden inside her car Van couldn't wait for Billie to find.
That would definitely push her off the edge and maybe even get him fired. But
hell, it was so worth it!
*~*~*
Billie
walked in the office the next morning to find Van already there. He sat in the
lounge minding his own business, only saying "Hello," no sexist remark
or hit on. 'Oh well, can't win 'em all I guess,' Billie thought as she sat at
her desk. She had only been there
for a minute when she realized the car needed to be looked at to make sure
nothing had happened while Van was washing it. After all this was an important
meeting. Nothing was supposed to go awry.
Van saw
that Billie was getting up and watched intently as she headed towards the car.
First, she wiped part of the windshield where Van had left finger prints.
'Any second now Ray, she'll blow,' Van thought and simultaneously Billie saw the
rims and bellowed "VAN!!!"
Van walked
partially down the stairs and just looked at her. "This is a mess,
Van!" Billie harshly scolded.
"I
know sir," Van replied with his head hanging so she couldn't see the smirk
that was there.
"Well,
fix it. Now!" Billie answered firmly as she walked up to him and stood
three inches from his face. "I
want it by two or I know a nice bunch of Columbians to give you to.
Understood?" she said. As she walked away, Van called after her, "Hey
Billie, try sitting in it, I swept her out real good!" The smile on his
face was beginning to grow.
"Oh
you did?" Billie questioned. Maybe that was the only good thing he did.
"Well, I'll have a look, if you insist.
"I do
insist," Van replied.
Billie
walked over to the car and looked in the window. "Nice job," she told
him.
"Thank
you. Why don't you have a seat inside? I think you will enjoy the new scent I
picked for the air freshener," Van said with a wide smile.
"Are
you sure? The seats aren't wet or anything from being cleaned, are they?"
she kept stalling. Van opened the drivers side door and told her to go ahead ad
see for her self. "Hmm, it's
dry," Billie said as she took a seat and closed the door.
Van stood
on the outside of the car looking in with a big satisfied grin growing on his
face as she realizes there was a smell. Suddenly she comes bursting out of the
car and flying at Van. "You little fucking piece of shit! What did you do
to my car?" Billie screamed as she wrapped her hands around his throat and
started choking him.
“Get…
off… me…” Van managed to mumbled as she continued her strangle hold on his
neck. He tried to loosen her death grip, but it just got tighter as he pulled on
her harder. “You’re… choking… me…”
“That’s
the point!” she retorted, squeezing so hard her knuckles were beginning to
turn white.
Van knew
he was in deep shit now. This was definitely something he hadn’t expected and
should have accounted for when he was doing this prank, but I guess you can’t
predict everything when it comes to Billie. His vision was beginning to blacken
when he heard the door open and Deaq walked inside. He stood there for a few
moments as Van and Billie looked at him as if caught doing the nasty, Van
getting a little bit of a relief when her fingers loosened just a bit. But that
was over too quickly as she tightened them again.
Deaq
laughed at the situation. Just one look at Billie’s car and he knew exactly
what had happened. He walked over to the two of them, waited a moment, then
jumped in to save Van from Billie’s death grip. It took him a few minutes to
pry the two apart, but when he had finally done so, Van fall to the floor,
coughing and rubbing his neck, happy to be released and sorry that he had done
all that shit to Billie’s car. Billie, on the other hand, was ready to go back
for more until Deaq grabbed her by the waist and held her back.
“Let me
at him!” Billie struggled against his hold as she tried to kick her heels into
him.
“No, I
can’t let you do that. You’ll be late for your meeting,” Deaq replied,
letting her go when she stopped struggling, which was about the same time she
realized that she was already running late.
“Shit,”
Billie said as she looked down at her watch to see it was nearly twelve, and the
meeting started in about half an hour. She turned to Van and hissed, “I’ll
get back at you later.”
“Say hi
to the Columbians for me,” he waved her off. She glared at him and got in her
car. Billie left the Candy Store moments later in a hurry as Van watched her go,
a smile of relief on his face that it was all over and he had come out alive
with the desired results, well, somewhat desired results. Deaq gave him a hand
up and he immediately made a b-line to the bathroom to see what kind of damage
she had inflicted on his poor neck.
Looking in
the mirror, Van could see the bruises already forming, like big hickies after an
intense make session. His body immediately reacted to the thought. A shudder of
pleasure ran through all his extremities. Van shook the thoughts out of his
head, trying to remember what he was supposed to do. Besides the bruises on his
neck, the big one on his head was also beginning to look pronounced. He shrugged
it off until Deaq walked behind him and asked, “Did she give you an upper cut
to the forehead before she tried to strangle you?”
"No,
the sink took a cheap shot at me yesterday," Van sarcastically answered as
he continued to stare at his reflection in the mirror.
"You're
telling me Billie tried to kill you just now, but the only mark you have on you
is from where you got beat up by a sink?!" Deaq chuckled.
"Oh
shut up and go the fuck away will ya?" Van retorted not amused by Deaq's
comment.
"You
love her! That's why you ruined the car, so she'd come back and spend lots of
time forcing you to look at her as she yelled!" Deaq came to a sudden
realization as he laughed and moved out of Van's swinging range.
"That
is not why I messed up the car!" Van yelled. 'Its not. I did it to piss her
off,' he thought to himself as he stared at Deaq thinking.
"You're
admitting it then! You do like her!" Deaq quickly read into his words.
Van's mouth almost dropped when he realized what he had said. He had definitely
let it slip that time.
“No,
I’m not! No, I don’t!” Van tried to cover his blunder. “I hate the
bitch! All she ever does is push my buttons and try to get me to wrap myself
around her finger! I’ve become her damn minion!”
“Then
tell me… is it because you think you have to, or because you actually like
to?” Deaq questioned, pinning Van with his question in a position where any
answer would get him in trouble.
“I have
to! She’s my boss! She has the power to throw me out of here on my ass and
send me back to writing parking tickets for the rest of my life!” Van
tactically answered so he wouldn’t get himself in anymore trouble than he was
already in.
“Whatever,
Van. You keep telling yourself that, and I’ll keep thinking it’s bull
shit,” Deaq replied, leaving the bathroom before Van had time to think about
it. He slammed the door shut behind him and looked in the mirror again. His head
was spinning. This was definitely time to look for some Vicodin. Van opened the
mirror over the sink and began to look through it for some kind of pain killer.
He searched through the many bottles Billie kept there, noting her taste in
expensive drugs and over the counter medications until he hit the strong
sleeping pills at the top of the cabinet. He grabbed them, his mind immediately
turning from the pain in his forehead to the staple gun he still had stashed in
his car. If this wasn’t the perfect time to get Deaq back for what he wrote on
his face, then when was?
Van snuck
out of the bathroom and headed for the coffee pot in the lounge to grab a couple
of cups and conveniently slip the pills into Deaq’s, knocking him out
effectively. He had a very good feeling these were the same pills Billie had
slipped into his coffee the day before, so he knew they would probably work very
well with what he was trying to do. As he ran back downstairs with the coffee,
he made sure to sit down at his usual spot in Billie’s office so that Deaq
wouldn’t suspect anything when he handed him his cup of coffee. Van began to
smile as his mind ran over what was just about to happen. As soon as Deaq was
unconscious, he’d grab the staple gun to his car. Now, what wall would he
staple Deaq to? That was a question Van decided he’d tackle later. Right now,
getting Deaq his coffee was the most important thing.
Deaq
returned to the showroom a few minutes later. Van held the coffee cup over his
head and waited for him to grab it. “Thanks,” Deaq said as he sat down
beside him and took a few sips. “Is this Billie’s special?” he questioned,
the taste being a bit bitter for him.
“You
know it,” Van replied, hiding the smile that was threatening to creep up onto
his lips and expose him.
“You
didn’t slip anything in here, did you?” Deaq added, giving Van a hard stare
to make sure he was telling the truth.
“Now
what would make me go and do that?” Van responded, giving him a hard stare
back. He definitely had a great poker face on today. Everything Deaq was reading
off him was totally fake. ‘Wonderful!’ Van thought, smiling inwardly.
Deaq shook
his head and continued drinking his coffee without giving him a reply. Van
watched eagerly, waiting with unbelievable patience for the drugs to kick in and
knock his partner out. The anticipation was killing him, but the payoff at the
end would be all worth it. Just seeing the look on Billie’s face when she
found Deaq hanging from a wall unconscious would be a reward in and unto itself.
Finally
after several minutes in limbo, Deaq’s eyes began to droop and his head
started to bob. This was it! Van stood up just as his head hit the desk in front
of him to make sure he was out cold. Low and behold, he got his wish.
Deaq was
out for the count, and Van’s plan was about to be put into action. He ran out
to his car, grabbed the staple gun, and started looking for the best place to
put Deaq where Billie would easily spot him. He found it moments later… the
back door near the basketball court. Billie would definitely see him there clear
as daylight. He quickly got to business, dragging the unconscious body of his
partner towards the door, staple gun charging at an outlet close by. This was
going to be fun, and Van knew it; maybe even more fun than what he did to
Billie’s car. That definitely put a bigger smile on his face.
Van
dragged Deaq over to the wall and then stopped. "Well, damn it, how in the
hell am I gonna get him up there?" Van asked himself. Finally he just bit
the bullet and without much thought hoisted Deaq up against the wall and
pressing him there with his chest as he quickly stapled the corner of his shirt
to the wall.
Van tried
to pull away to see how it looked but when he did, he realized that he had
stapled himself to the wall along with Deaq! He carefully reached for the staple
remover in his back pocket and plucked out the staple. The next time around, Van
made sure that his shirt was clear of the gun before he stapled Deaq. The arms
and legs came first, then the rest of his body. When Van had finished, he
stepped back and surveyed his work. His partner was now spread eagle, sound
asleep and stapled to the wall with drool slowly making its way down the corner
of his mouth.
Van
couldn't help himself. He ran to his locker and found a Burger King crown and a
Polaroid camera. Quickly rushing back to the showroom to make sure that Deaq
remained undisturbed, he placed the crown on top of his head. Van looked at his
work of art, which was all he could do to keep from busting a gut right then and
there. He stepped back and lifted the camera. Once the framing was right, he
snapped the picture of a lifetime.
It was now
time for Van to crumple to the floor laughing hysterically, his eyes stinging
with tears as he tried to calm down, but couldn’t. Before he knew it, a door
behind him slammed and the distinct clicking of Billie’s heels against cement
could be heard throughout the Candy Store. They stopped suddenly as he looked up
to see her standing there before him, her eyes glued to Deaq’s unconscious
form suspended from the door by staples. Van began to laugh harder as the
expressions on her face showed what she was clearly thinking. First it was
“What the fuck,” followed by “Holy shit,” then “Oh, my God,” until
finally, she burst out laughing. Billie fell to the floor beside Van, unable to
keep upright any longer. This was definitely the funniest thing she had seen
besides Van in that animal suit.
Billie and
Van lay helplessly on the floor laughing and looking at the shrine Van had
stapled to the wall. Their laughing was so loud Deaq began to stir. Seeing this
only served to make Billie grab a hold of Van so she wouldn't fall off the earth
from laughing. Deaq knew he should have been able to get comfy so he tried to
move again, but couldn't. So he did what any man would do, he tried harder.
"Damn it, why the hell can't I..." he said as he opened his eyes and
saw Van and Billie on the floor in hysterics. Deaq looked down to find himself
stuck to some wall unable to move. He didn’t know what was holding him up, but
he knew it had to be one of their doings.
“What
the hell did you do to me?” Deaq yelled at them, but that only made their
laughing worse. “Get me the fuck down! NOW!”
“Nice
job, Ray,” Billie giggled as she sat up in his arms and looked at Deaq again,
this time able to just sit and grin at him instead of nearly die laughing.
“Why,
thank you, sir,” Van replied, taking note that she was in his arms leaning
against his chest as she tried to hold herself upright.
Billie
took note as well. This definitely felt nice. The warmth of his chest against
her back was comforting. As long as Deaq didn’t get any ideas from this, she
wouldn’t mind doing it again. She quickly snapped out of her thoughts when she
felt Van’s arms tighten just a little around her. She consciously snuggled
closer as she continued to giggle at Deaq’s prone form, making sure that Van
noticed.
And he did
notice. Van tightened his arms around her a little more, smiling as he too
looked at Deaq and laughed at his work. Billie’s body felt nice snuggled up
against his. Maybe he could get used to this. Maybe this was something they
could share when Deaq wasn’t around. Unconsciously, he got a little closer to
her neck, his lips so close to her skin he could feel the heat radiating off of
it. This was definitely exciting and exhilarating. He would have to try this
again sometime.
"Hey,
I know y'all are enjoying yourselves down there but GET ME DOWN!" Deaq
yelled, knocking them both out of their little fantasy lands. Van quickly pulled
away from Billie and stood up while she tried to forget what happened as she sat
on the floor wondering how she could have let herself go for that long.
Van was
left alone to take Deaq down from the wall. He grabbed the staple remover from
his pocket and started the tedious task of removing all the staples that were
holding Deaq up against the wall. The only problem he encountered was what would
happen once he took down most of the staples. As he took another staple out of
the wall, he heard a slow rip. Van stepped back to see what the hell was going
on, and at that moment, Deaq began to slide down the all, his clothes beginning
to rip where the last staples were attached.
“Oh,
SHIT!” he yelled. Van and Billie were standing back watching Deaq slide down
the wall. It looked as if he were going in slow motion. He hit the floor with a
thud and the laughter started all over again on a slightly lesser scale. Deaq
sat up and glared at Van. "Dude! My clothes! Look at them!" he shouted
as Van laughed.
Van just
stood there and stared as Deaq got up. "Dude, how was I to know you were
about to fall?" Van asked as innocently as possible. Even before Deaq
answered, Billie laughed knowing the answer herself.
"Well,
the rip coulda set off some sort of clue in your head I would think! Do untorn
clothes rip, Van? No!" Deaq yelled as Van regained his composure.
"Well,
I guess not," Van said. He turned around, pulled Billie up from the floor
and walked away.
Deaq stood
there with his shirt torn and his ego bruised. "You're not gonna tell
anyone down at the precinct are you?" he asked as she turned to walk away.
"Why
wouldn't I? That was pretty damn hysterical and the boys would love to here
about it," she said.
“You two
are so gonna pay for this,” Deaq growled as he stood up and made his way to
the door. He had to go home and change out of the torn clothes. Afterwards,
he’d make his own plan of revenge to get back at both of them. Until then, he
was stuck with no clue as to how he’d hit Van and Billie where they hurt most.
Van
watched Deaq leave the warehouse and sighed with relief. It had definitely been
a close call with Billie that afternoon. He knew he was getting in over his head
now, and his feelings for her were getting stronger by the minute. He wanted so
badly to take his partner’s advice about telling her now before it was too
late, but he was afraid that she’d just laugh in his face and make fun of him
for the rest of his life. That’s the last thing Van wanted. So, he held back
and watched her as she sat down in her office and booted up her computer. She
looked absolutely ravishing today in her black full length skirt, red shirt, and
matching black formal jacket. Van closed his eyes as he leaned against one of
the support beams.
From the
speakers in Billie’s office, the soft and slow melody of Sarah McLachlan’s
“I Love You” began to play. Van opened his eyes and found himself making his
way towards her. Once he reached her desk and she turned around to look at him
with those beautiful blue eyes, he extended his hand. She took it, surprisingly,
and stood up as he led her to a spot in her office where there was a little more
free space.
I
have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road
We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around disappears
Van
wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him as she continued
to stare up at him with those magnificent eyes of hers. Billie leaned in a
little closer and gently rested her head on his shoulder. He liked the feeling
of her being so close. He never wanted to let go of this moment.
It's
just you and me
On this island of hope
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek
Oh and every time I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away
Van could
feel her sigh deeply, showing him that she liked this just as much as he did. If
only this moment could last forever. If only it would never end. Letting go was
something Van desperately tried not to think about. He wanted this too much, and
now that he had the chance, he’d tell Billie everything. But still, he
remained silent, letting the song tell it for him.
And
I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night's
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the words to say
I need you so
And at
this moment, words failed to describe what he was feeling. The touch of her hand
gently enveloped in his, the feel of her body so close that he could feel the
heat, and the sweet scent of her hair as it brushed up against his skin was
something that not even Shakespeare could write a poem about. Van took it all in
slowly, savoring it like ice cream, until he felt her pull away slightly.
Their eyes
met once more in a passionate gaze that seemed to slow time to the point where
it was only the two of them occupying the vast expanse of the earth. Van looked
down at her eyes shining like diamonds in firelight, so filled with unspoken
love that it made his feelings pale in comparison. Her hand gently made its way
to his cheek, letting it rest there as she leaned in a little closer, her lips
in range for that kiss both so desperately wanted to share.
Oh
and every time I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away
And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night's
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the words to say
I
need you so
Van
finally couldn’t take it any longer. He closed his eyes again and made a
desperate dash for her lips, but was unable to find them. He opened his eyes
once more to find that this had all been a vivid dream and that Billie was now
standing a few feet away from him with an odd expression on her face. The music
had ended, as had the mood, and he quickly came to his senses.
Van looked
down trying to hide the blush that came to his face and pushed himself off the
beam as he made his way out of the showroom and upstairs to the lounge. He could
only hope that Billie hadn’t realized what had just happened. If she could see
what his thoughts were at the moment, he’d never live to see another day.
Billie, on
the other hand, really didn’t know what the hell was going on with Van. She
could only guess that he had gone off into nana land and had a really wacky
dream. She didn’t care what kind of dream it was as long as it didn’t have
her as one of the main characters. For some reason, the more she thought about
that, the more it hurt. Was she ready to admit she was falling for Van Ray after
all these months of working so close to him?
‘NO!’
Billie yelled at herself internally. ‘No way, no how, uh-uh! But…’ There
was always that “but.” She hated that “but” because she knew it meant
that deep down inside there was something gnawing at her soul telling that she
was in love with him and that one of these days it would come around to bite her
in the ass. ‘Maybe that’s not such a bad thing…’ Billie started to think
then realized that she was getting in over her head again. She pushed all those
thoughts aside and stared working on the loads of paperwork that had made their
way to her inbox that afternoon.
Finally
reaching his apartment, Deaq set to work planning out the idea for revenge
against Van that struck him while he was stuck in traffic on the 405… spray
paint. He didn’t know how the idea hit him, but he knew how he was going to
execute it. Two words… trip wire. The thought brought a smile to his face as
he walked into his room and began rummaging through his closet for another set
of clothes since the ones he was wearing now were completely destroyed.
After
putting on a regular white tee shirt and a pair of comfortable jeans, he walked
back outside and headed for the hardware store to put his plan into motion. He
brought several yards of string and about twenty cans of different colored spray
paint, hot pink, electric blue, blazing orange, highlighter yellow, florescent
green, and several other colors that fit into the “bright” category, colors
he knew would get peoples attention if they took one look at Van after the
incident was over. The smile on his face grew as his thoughts began to form a
solid plan in his head. He checked out quickly and made his way to Van’s
place. He knew his partner was probably stuck doing Billie’s dirty work again
that afternoon, so he had plenty of time set everything up.
Deaq
started with the front door and the first color, hot pink, tying the string
around the nozzle so that when Van walked into the room, he’d get sprayed in
the face. He continued putting his little booby traps all over the other doors
in the apartment until he reached the bathroom, the pinnacle of his plan. This
was where he set up the rest of the cans of spray paint, about ten total, with
an intricate assemblage of strings that all connected to the one at the bottom
of the door that sprayed them all the moment Van stepped on it. He laughed at
the picture popping into his head as he stepped over the cords carefully, making
his way out of there before his partner returned from work.
Before he
left the apartment, Deaq spied a video camera lying across the couch. He decided
to add insult to injury and set up the camera in the bathroom to catch the final
spray as it happened. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Van’s face when he
realized what Deaq had done. This was definitely going to be one of those times
the wait was worth it. He slowly made his way out of the apartment once more and
headed back to his place to make sure he wasn’t caught in the act.
Van
returned home late that night, tired and dying to lie down in his bed. Billie
had worked him to the bone, barking orders like he was her lap dog. He
obediently obeyed and did as he was asked, hoping that he’d get a little
flirting in before he left, but that didn’t happen. She seemed a little more
on the edge that night than usual, so he went home without bothering to make a
comment about how lovely she looked.
As he
stepped into the apartment his thoughts were still on Billie. Van unlocked the
door and turned the knob. As the door opened and he stepped inside, Van hit the
trip wire and got a blast of hot pink spray paint right on his chest, neck and
face. "What the fuck?!" he growled as he closed the door. He made his
way into the living room as he wiped the paint away from his eyes. Whoever had
done that was gonna pay. He decided to go in the bedroom to change out of his
ruined clothes. He opened the door and got a blast of lime green and electric
blue spray paint on his pants and again, in his face. "Who the
hell…?" Van yelled. He was getting pissed now.
'Okay, the
closet should be safe,' he thought as he walked over and opened the door, only
to get hit on both sides of the head with highlighter yellow and electric blue
spray paint. Van was beyond yelling now. He just pulled out some new clothes and
grumbled as he headed to the bathroom. He hesitated before opening the door.
‘Hell, might as well just get it over with,’ he thought, grabbing the knob
and slowly pulling on it. Walking inside with his eyes closed, the last of the
spray paint cans hit him full force, including shocking pink, blazing orange,
and lime green.
Van
flipped on the light and looked at himself in the mirror. He was covered head to
toe. "They're gonna pay for this," he mumbled as he disrobed and got
in the shower. Little did he know about the camera hidden behind the toilet.
The next
day was like something out of the pages of Hell. Van walked into the Candy Store
to hear shrieks of laughter emanating from Billie’s office. He instantly knew
it had something to do with what had happened last night and decided to find out
what. She and Deaq were hovering over her monitor, watching the screen intently
until they burst out laughing again.
“What’s
so funny?” Van asked as he walked up to them and tried to take a look.
“Oh,
nothing,” Deaq replied innocently as he gave him one of his deceptive smiles
and turned back around. Van shoved him out of the way to see what Billie was
watching. To his horror, it was a tape of his spray paint disaster.
“Where
the fuck did you get that?!?!” Van yelled as he grabbed Deaq by the collar and
nearly threw him to the floor. He managed to get out of Van’s hold but
didn’t say anything, fearing for his own safety.
“Oh,
quit being a drama queen,” Billie scolded as she stopped the tape and put it
in her desk, making sure she locked it up tight and slipped the key into her
bra, making sure that he had seen her do it.
Van was instantly quieted by her subtle gesture as his mouth hung open. He began to wonder what had made her do that until she walked up to him and whispered, “By the way, nice package.” Billie walked away without looking back to see the astonished and befuddled look on his face. What she meant by that he’d probably never know, but it was sure fun to think about the possibilities.
Part 8: Quack! Quack!