Chapter 22: Everything Falls Apart

            Chance rolled around in bed that morning finding that Darren was gone. She shot up and looked around the room. In the distance she could hear the faint sound of music playing outside her door. Chance got out of bed and stretched. She walked out of the room and headed for the kitchen.

            Darren sat at the kitchen table reading another Anne Rice novel, listening to the radio, and eating a bagel. Looking up, he saw Chance standing at the doorway. “Good morning,” he said as she sat down across from him.

            “Good morning,” she replied in a distant voice.

            “Hey, what’s wrong?” Darren asked, noticing that she wasn’t as perky as she normally was.

            “Nothing,” Chance retorted. Darren didn’t dare to ask any more questions about her mood from that point on.

            “Are you hungry?” he changed the subject.

            “Not really,” she answered. A long silence passed between them for the next few minutes. Darren sat staring at Chance trying to figure out what was bothering her. Her body language was hard to decipher. This had been the first time that he couldn’t read her thoughts.

            Chance didn’t notice him staring, but kept thinking about her plans for the day. Her eyes darted across the room, unable to stay fixed on one object for more than thirty seconds. She fiddled with the napkins in front of her, each one being folded into a different shape.

            “Chance, you’re nervous,” Darren said. She looked sharply up at him.

            “No, I’m not,” Chance defended as she folded another napkin into some kind of shape.

            “Then why are you making origami?” he asked, putting his hands over hers to stop her from doing any more artwork.

            “To make the table look a little nicer,” she shot back, her hands quickly sliding out of his grasp. “Will you just leave me alone?”

            “Okay,” Darren said as he stood up and headed for the parlor. He had become annoyed with her recent attitude problem. Thinking again, he figured it might be something else making her so moody. ‘Maybe it’s that time of the month?’ he questioned himself, shrugging it off and turning back.

            Chance was still sitting at the table making a paper mess. Her head was down, watching her hands work as her mind flew away from her body to a place where she could be alone and at peace. This was her heaven, a place she could escape the rest of the world, somewhere no one else knew about. She felt safe there within her imaginary world. Everything was just perfect, and nothing bad happened.

            A smile made its way onto Chance’s lips as she pictured herself on the pure white sands of the beach that only existed in her mind. It was like no beach on earth. The water there was crystal clear, the air just the right mixture of warm and soothing as it floated around her. No one else came to this beach; it was hers alone, her special, secret hideaway. No footprints marred the sands except her own, no noises invaded her privacy save for the gentle lull of the tide and the soft strains of distant music that were always just barely audible in this place. The atmosphere was completely calm and undisturbed.

            Chance heard the distant sound of music that floated into her ears from the radio that Darren had turned on while he was in the room. The song was sounded so familiar. It knocked Chance out of her dream world and back into reality.

            “It seems like every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me. Please say honestly you won't give up on me and I shall believe…” Chance slouched down in her chair and began to cry out. Darren quickly ran to her side, comforting her even though he knew it was no use. He turned off the radio and sat down beside her at the table. His arms wrapped around her shoulders to hold her close in hopes of her calming down and stopping the tears.

            “It’s okay,” Darren whispered. He rocked Chance back and forth in her seat. ‘The episodes have started again,’ he thought sadly. It would be a long time before she could recover from such a painful blow.

            They sat together for nearly an hour as Chance regained some of her composure. She sat up again and started to play with the paper napkins. Thinking aloud, she said, “Why can’t I have a normal life? Why can’t I just be like everyone else and have parents who love me, and a fiancé who adores me? For once, can I just have a taste of what it feels like to be a regular person?” She looked to Darren as if expecting an answer from him. He sat next to her, staring into her miserable brown eyes hoping to find one, but there was no answer to her question.

            Darren looked away. He couldn’t bear to see Chance in such distress. She needed to get away from all this. His mind worked to find a way to take her out of this place and to somewhere she could begin to feel a little better. After a few minutes of thinking, Darren finally got an idea.

            “Let’s go out today for a picnic. It’ll give you a taste of what normal might be,” he said.

            Chance gave a weak smile to support his idea. Maybe this would help her to decide whether or not she needed more time to think about everything. She stood up and began to walk upstairs to her room.

            “I’ll be right down,” Chance told Darren as she made her way up the stairs. With every heavy footstep Chance took, she could feel a little more of herself fall away to depression. Her heart was far from mending. After hearing that song, she knew there was no use in living anymore. This was going to be the last time she would ever let herself feel so much pain.

            Slowly getting dressed, Chance thought long and hard about a way to get out of this world and finally be with the people she loved. Suicide was the only way out, there was nothing else. No one would ever be able to tell her otherwise. As Chance walked back downstairs to the parlor where Darren sat on the couch, she made up her mind that today was the day she’d leave this cruel world.

            Darren took her hand and led her to the back door. They would be exploring the property in search of the perfect place to have a picnic. The further out they went, the more beautiful the scenery became. Chance spotted an old willow tree that grew just at the edge of the property, where a tall chain link fence had been erected to keep grazing animals from making a 200 foot fall down a cliff and into the river that ran behind the area. A bridge spanned the river so people could walk to the other side, but it hadn’t been in use for nearly 10 years and had begun to crumble. A gate led from the property to the bridge via a small path.

            ‘This is it,’ Chance thought to herself, her face becoming clouded in pain and anger. As much as she tried to justify that killing herself was right, there would always be a small pang of wrong that hit her when she thought about it in more detail. She’d be leaving behind everyone she knew and had grown to love; her grandparents, Charles, Daniel, and most of all, Darren. She knew how much he loved her, but refused to believe it. Her mind always told her that no love could compare to that she shared with Scott.

            “Chance?” she heard Darren say over her shoulder. Her gaze had strayed to the fence where she became entranced by her thoughts. Darren walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “I must have called you three times. You never answered me once. What’s wrong? You look distressed.”

            “I’m sorry,” came her distant reply.

            Darren could hear the hollowness in her voice, but refused to question her further. He knew something was troubling her, and if he kept pestering her about it, she’d only shut him out again. Darren decided not to say anything and let it slide. He led Chance to the spot beneath the side of the tree that faced away from the fence, where he had put a soft maroon blanket over the grass and spread out the food. She sat across from him, her eyes showing even more distance than her face.

            “Could you give me a moment? I need to do something,” Chance asked. She stood up before Darren could answer and walked away.

            “Be back soon,” he yelled to her knowing that she wasn’t about to stop.

            Chance walked along the fence until she reached the gate that led to the path. She opened it slowly, careful not to make too much noise as she stepped through the rusted frame. The path was narrow and covered with plants and weeds, almost making it impossible to walk down its steep slope. Chance slowly managed to slide her way to the bridge, taking her shoes off when she reached its wooden planks. Her eyes looked out across the distance from where she was standing to its center. It was about 100 feet and covered with decaying foliage. Chance looked down into the roaring river to watch the water wiz by her in a strong current. It was crystal clear and absolutely beautiful, almost reminding her of the imaginary beach she had created in her mind.

            Chance began her slow walk to the center of the bridge, watching her step as she made her way barefooted over the slick planks. After a few minutes of struggling with her footing, Chance made it to her destination. She looked out across the landscape once more to take in its beauty before she stepped over and was swallowed by the river’s strong current, never to be seen again.

            Darren sensed that something was very wrong. Chance hadn’t returned for over ten minutes now, and he was getting worried. He stood up from the blanket and made his way out to the fence where he had seen Chance walking. Following it to the gate, he walked through and came upon the path. Seeing the fresh footsteps that she had made, he followed them down the steep embankment to the beginning to the bridge. It was then that Darren spied Chance at its center, looking down at the river. He watched as she stepped over the rickety old ropes and held onto the edge loosely.

            Realizing what she was about to do, Darren quickly called out, “Chance, NO!” He began to make his way out to the center, slipping and sliding over the overgrown foliage and wet planks. Breathless and in panic, Darren stopped for a moment to see if Chance had climbed back over the edge. Unfortunately, she hadn’t, her face showing even more her desire to jump into the river below.

            Darren decided to use another tactic. “Chance, honey. Do you really want to jump into the river?” he asked soothingly.

            She looked up at him with cold, sad eyes. “Yes,” her monotone voice said.

            “But why? There are so many people that don’t want to see you dead so early in your life. Don’t do it. Death isn’t the only way out,” he replied.

            “Don’t talk to me about what’s the only way out. You haven’t lived through the death of your parents at an early age, and then having your fiancé die in your arms. You don’t have to deal with the image of seeing someone take his last breath and then go limp. This is my only way out! Can’t you see? I’m going to be haunted by all these images for the rest of my life, and I can’t live that way!” Chance shouted. Unable to take the pain anymore, she let go of the rope and began to fall the 200 foot distance to the river below.

            “Chance!” Darren cried as he watched her drop off the bridge. Without thinking and going only by instinct, he jumped over the rope and began to fall the same way she had.

            Chance could feel her body become instantly lighter as she dropped closer to the water’s surface. She closed her eyes, waiting for the moment when her feet hit the cool river, and the current swallowed her into its depths. When she hit the water, the force of impact was so great, Chance could feel her body being compressed, then all to suddenly she was beneath the surface. Her arms frantically paddled to keep her afloat, but the current was having its way. It pulled her in all directions as she tried to swim to the surface for air. This wasn’t the way she had expected her end to be like. This wasn’t the way she wanted to go.