Chapter
5: Darren’s Journal
It’s nearly two in the morning and I can’t sleep at all. I think those
ten cups of coffee really revved up my system. Jack has been on my mind all
day, so that’s gotta factor in somewhere also. She’s so different. I remember
her with straight long brown hair and wearing denim all the time. Her hair is
curly now, and it looks beautiful. She’s a bit thinner too, and her outfit,
unbelievable. No one can pull off a black skirt, a white tank top, and a black
long jacket the way she can. No wonder I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t
believe she shortened her name to Jay. It’s so simple, yet so sweet to my ears.
I don’t understand why I’m putting myself through this kind of torture, but
I’m willing to take it if it means I’ll get closer to her faster. Just thinking
about the day we get back together gives me so much hope for the future. I think
my life has just taken a turn for the better. I think I might even be able to
write a love song. I know she still loves me. I saw it in her eyes. If that’s
all she’s willing to give me, then I’ll take it. It’s something to hold on to.
It might not be much, but it’s something.
I think I’m gonna email Dan later on today and tell him what happened.
I know Jack hasn’t spoken to him in a while by the questions she was asking
me, so maybe he deserves an update. I know he’ll appreciate it. Then what am
I gonna do? I think I’ll take Tiger for a nice long walk, see if I’ll bump into
Jack again. I hope she’s not pissed at me for what I said. I really didn’t mean
to be so rude. I was just angry by what she told me. “It’s not fair to see you
again. Bla, bla, bla…” Of course it’s not fair! It’s not fair to me either because
I’m still madly in love with her and I can’t get her out of my mind. Seeing
her today just rekindled the fire burning in my heart.
Does Jack still love me? I can’t believe I’m asking that again. I think
she does, but there was something about her today that makes me think otherwise.
What if she’s found someone else? What if that thing I saw in her eyes was love
for someone else? I don’t know what I’d do. I’d probably go crazy. If not, then
I’d probably try to kill myself again. That brought her back once before, why
can’t it work again? Listen to me; I’m starting to sound like a raving lunatic.
I should just be admitted to a mental hospital right now for these thoughts.
Why not add to my insanity and say that if Jack has another boyfriend, I can
try to split them up somehow. Okay, I’ve had enough of my insanity. This needs
to stop.
I think I have a better way to solve this little dilemma. Jack knows
that I still love her, but how about I make her think that I don’t? Hmm… That
sounds like a really good idea. Oh, my God! That’s the best idea that I’ve ever
had! Okay, this is what I’m going to do. I’m first of all going to write her
a letter and apologize for what I said, then I’m gonna also add into that same
letter that I’m really not in love with her anymore and that I have a new girlfriend.
Maybe I’ll add a few things that’ll really make her think I’m over her. Just
what…? I’ll think about that later. She’ll believe me, won’t she? Well, I think
she will. Maybe then after she realizes that I’m not a threat to her anymore,
we can become friends. When she breaks up with her boyfriend, assuming that
she has one, I’ll be her shoulder to cry on, and BOOM! She’s mine again! That
sounds like the perfect plan, doesn’t it?
All this writing and thinking wore me out. I’m actually getting tired.
The coffee is wearing off finally. I need sleep. (Yawn.) Good night.
~Daz