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Chapter
8: The Heart Wants What It Wants
“This is seriously not my day,” Faith said into her camera as she, Spaz, and
Morgan walked down the access corridor of the arena Darren was supposed to be
playing at that night.
“What’s wrong?” Morgan asked.
“I woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Faith retorted.
“Hey, what happened between you and Darren?” Spaz asked. “One second you
two are the hottest couple, and the next you’re not even speaking to each
other. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, he’s just really busy today, so we won’t be able to see each
other until tonight,” Faith lied as she stopped filming.
“I don’t mean today, I mean yesterday on the bus. He was constantly asking
for you, and we kept telling him you were asleep. Did you guys get into a fight
or something?” Spaz kept questioning as the three reached the door to the
stage entrance.
“No, we didn’t get into a fight,” Faith angrily answered. “I was just
tired yesterday. That’s all. I wanted to sleep, and I did.”
“Jeez, you don’t have to get so defensive about it,” Spaz backed off. She
turned to Morgan and whispered, “What’s up her ass?”
“What’s up my ass?” Faith heard and quickly turned around, startling her
friends with the angry expression on her face. “What’s up my ass? You’re
up my ass! That’s what’s up there! Why can’t you keep your big nose out of
my business?”
“My big nose?” Spaz yelled. She felt it with her fingers and added, “I had
three surgeries to make my nose look just perfect. How dare you say that?”
“Easy, it still looks like shit,” Faith hissed.
“You look like shit! Go get some lipo, you’re ass is growing an inch a
second.”
“Go get a face lift. It looks like you’ve aged thirty years in the last
three minutes.”
“You’re really asking for it, Faith,” Spaz warned.
“As much as you are?” she retorted.
“Is that a threat?”
“Come on, bitch. Give me your best shot!” Faith taunted as she held up her
fists, ready to start the fight within seconds.
“You got it!” Spaz returned as she quickly swung at Faith’s face. She
dodged the fist that swung her way and easily took a shot at Spaz’s stomach.
Spaz doubled over, the pain intense. She was already beginning to regret taking
Faith on.
Faith took Spaz by the hair and pulled her up so she could see her face. “Is
that all you have?” she teased. Spaz glared at her and quickly took another
swing, this time hitting Faith square in the jaw. She yelped in pain and stepped
back before Spaz could hit her again. Rolling her jaw around with her hand, she
made sure nothing was broken.
“Look who’s backing off now!” Spaz yelled. Before she knew it, Faith was
taking punches left and right, hitting Spaz wherever she didn’t protect
herself. By now, she was on the floor, covering her face with her hands, praying
that Faith would give up. Faith continued to hit her, though. She pulled
Spaz’s hands away from her face and slapped her then followed through with
another punch in the nose.
“You fucking bitch!” Faith kept yelling. “You fucking no good slut!”
“Enough!” Darren’s defiant voice yelled over her screams, silencing them
both and stopping Faith from throwing one more punch at Spaz. They both looked
at him as a crew of camera people followed.
“Oh, shit,” Faith said under her breath as she got off of Spaz and slowly
stood up. Her face was red with streaks of blood, but that was nothing compared
to the way Spaz looked. Her nose was bleeding, as was her lip. She had a black
left eye and bruises all over the rest of her face.
“Bitch,” Spaz said as she stood up.
“Pussy,” Faith angrily returned.
“Bitch,” Spaz said a little louder this time.
“Pussy!” Faith yelled.
“Stop it! Both of you!” Darren shouted above them again. He took them by the
arms and led them away from the cameras. “I don’t want you to anywhere near
each other for the rest of the night. Understood? We’ll talk about this later.
Go wash yourselves up. You look like a disgrace to this tour.” He pushed them
along away from the stage and the camera crew.
“What was that all about?” one of the cameramen asked Morgan as she stood
there in utter silence.
She looked at him and shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know.”
* * *
Darren stood on the stage during sound checks, his face red with anger and
frustration. ‘How the hell did that happen?’ he kept asking himself as he
thought about the fight between Faith and Spaz. ‘And what about Faith? Why
won’t she talk to me?’
“Darren, could you be any more out of it?” Ben asked as he nudged him in the
shoulder.
Darren snapped out of his thoughts and looked around. “What?” he replied,
seeing Ben standing beside him, guitar in hand.
“You’re really out of it today. What’s going on?” Ben questioned.
“A lot of things,” Darren answered. “You heard what happened between Faith
and Spaz this morning, didn’t you?” Ben nodded. “Well, it was quite the
embarrassment. I can’t believe MTV caught that on film. If they show it on TV,
I don’t know what I’m going to do. My career is ruined.”
“You’ve really gone paranoid, haven’t you?” Ben replied. “Stop
thinking about it. They can’t run the film unless you give them consent to do
it.”
“Really? Is that in the contract?”
“Yeah, about fifty lines down towards the bottom of the page.” Ben paused
for a second to think of how to keep the conversation going. “So, how are you
and Faith?”
“What?” Darren retorted. “Me and Faith? What gives you that idea?”
“Well, I was kinda in the middle of the lobby in the Pittsburgh hotel room
when you two came giggling and kissing in. I knew that was going to lead to
something,” Ben answered. “You can’t tell me that nothing is going on
between you two. I saw for myself. Unless she was drunk, there was no way either
one of you could be so happy in the rain.”
Darren didn’t know what to do but gape. He shook his head. “You always have
to be at the right place at the right time, don’t you?” he retorted.
“Fine, you caught us. We went back to my room and the rest is history.”
“I don’t blame you. Who wouldn’t want to go after a chick like that?”
“Hey, don’t go calling her a chick!”
“Sorry,” Ben quickly apologized. “So…”
“So what? I haven’t spoken to her all day except for shouting at her during
that fight. Even then she didn’t say a word to me. I don’t know what’s
gotten into her. It’s like she doesn’t want to get anywhere near me. What if
she’s pissed at me? What if it scared her off? What if…” Darren trailed
off.
“Oh, shut up,” Ben interrupted. “The girl is just nervous.”
“No, she’s not. She’s not afraid to go after what she wants.”
“Then I don’t know what to tell you, Daz.”
“Don’t tell me anything.”
“Hey, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you write her a note and I’ll give it
to her?” Ben suggested.
“Have you been drinking?” Darren suspiciously asked.
“No, I’m sober, but seriously. It’s a good idea.”
Darren thought for a moment before he finally realized what Ben was getting at.
‘Maybe it is a good idea,’ Darren thought to himself. “Okay,” he said
aloud. “You got a sheet of paper and a pen?”
* * *
Faith picked up the folded scrap of paper that slipped beneath her hotel room
door and opened it to find a note scribbled on it.
“Faith, why aren’t you talking to me? I’ve been trying to get a hold of
you all day, but it seems like you’re avoiding me. Is this about the other
night? Darren,” she read aloud as Morgan sat in front of her, bandaging her
wounds.
“The other night?” Morgan asked, her voice raising almost a pitch higher.
“I want details.”
“Yeah, and I want some ice cream. Get me the cream and I’ll give you the
details,” Faith replied in an irritated voice. Morgan stood up and went to the
fridge in the corner of the room. She pulled it open and found a carton of Ben
& Jerry’s Fudge Central in the freezer.
“There, I got the cream, now I want the details,” Morgan replied as she
tossed the carton over to Faith.
“Hey, I need a spoon,” she retorted.
Looking for the cupboards for one, Morgan finally found it near the fridge. She
tossed it to Faith and said, “Now stop stalling. I want details. Don’t make
me go over there and hurt you.”
“Okay,” Faith replied. She opened the ice cream and spooned a big chunk of
it into her mouth. “You see, Darren and I went out for some coffee the night I
ditched you two. We started talking and he started to get really sweet. Before I
knew it, we were making out, and soon after, we were in his room doin’ it.”
“You were?” Morgan asked, wide eyed and amazed. “Holy shit! No wonder I
couldn’t find you in the morning!”
“Yeah…” Faith trailed off as she drove her fork into the ice cream for
another scoop and put it in her mouth.
“So, have you really been avoiding him?”
“I guess.”
“Why?”
“Because it got weird, that’s why.”
“That’s not a reason.”
“Fine, you want a reason? I’m afraid of what he’s gonna say to me. I’m
afraid he’s not gonna ever wanna see me again. I’m afraid that he doesn’t
like me anymore. I’m afraid that he wants to keep seeing me. I’m afraid
he’s falling in love with me,” Faith nearly began to cry. “Because I’m
afraid that I am too.”
“Oh, Faith! That’s nothing to be freaked out about,” Morgan tried to
comfort as she sat down beside her friend on the bed. “Write him back.
That’s the least you can do.”
“Paper,” Faith replied.
* * *
“Darren, I have been avoiding you. I don’t feel comfortable anymore. Things
got weird, and I don’t know if I can face you again. Faith,” Darren read
aloud in the theater. “What the hell? Things got weird? How? Why?”
“Hey, I’m just the messenger. Don’t ask me,” Morgan replied as she stood
there waiting for his response.
“Give me a pen.”
* * *
“Faith, I’m sorry things got weird. You should have told me no if it was
going to end up like this. Darren.” Faith flipped over the note and started
writing.
“What are you gonna say to him?” Morgan asked.
“You’ll see in a few minutes when he reads it.
* * *
“I didn’t know it would end up this way! I was only taking your cues. It was
a lot of fun, but it was wrong!”
“She wrote that?” Morgan asked as she took the note out of Darren’s hands
and read it. “Jeez, what the hell is wrong with her?”
“I don’t know, but I’ve got one simple question for you to ask her,”
Darren said.
“What?” she replied.
* * *
“He wants to know why?” Faith yelled. She sat down on the bed and began to
wonder what kind of explanation to give him. “What am I supposed to tell
him?”
“Tell him what you told me. Tell him about your fears. He’ll understand. I
know he will,” Morgan replied. She sat down beside Faith and continued.
“He’s not a bad guy. Why on earth would he be sending you messages through
me if he really didn’t care about you?”
“Maybe he’s just being nice.”
“Being nice? Faith! He’s the most wonderful man in the world! Look at him!
He’s practically falling at your feet! Tell him the truth and he’ll
understand! Trust me.”
“I can’t tell him the truth!” Faith yelled back as she began to cry again.
“I don’t want him to know the truth. I don’t want him to know about
anything. I’m afraid he’ll turn me away the second he finds out that I’m
falling for him. I’m scared that he’s gonna dismiss me the minute he finds
out that I’m addicted to heroin.”
“FOR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD, FAITH! LISTEN TO YOURSELF!” Morgan screamed into her
ear. “You’re nuts! He’s already accepted your drinking problem. Why do you
think he’d reject you just because you do heroin? If anything, he’ll try to
help you kick the habit.”
“No, he won’t. The only guys who accept girls with a drug problem are those
guys who have drug problems themselves. It’s not fair to him if he gets stuck
with me. He deserves so much better,” Faith tried to reason as she wiped the
tears away from her face.
“Write to him and tell him everything,” Morgan demanded as she handed her
the pen and paper.
* * *
“Darren, consider this my last message. I don’t feel like returning to sixth
grade again. What I should have told you a long time ago is you deserve someone
better than me. If anything, you should stay far away from me. I’m just a
danger to society and myself. Maybe one day you’ll find out why, but right
now, that’s all you need to know. Please, leave me alone. I don’t wanna talk
to you. Faith.”
Darren dropped the piece of paper and stared at the empty space between his
fingers where it used to be. He turned to Morgan and asked, “Where is she?”
“Hotel,” was all Morgan said before he shot out of the theater and down the
street. Darren ran into the lobby and raced up the stairs, too impatient to wait
for the elevator. Four flights up, he ran down the hall and knocked on door 426.
Straightening out his hair, he waited for her to answer.
“I’m coming,” she yelled from behind the door. “Morgan, I don’t wanna
read it…” Faith trailed off when she saw Darren standing at her door,
panting.
“Talk to me, please,” he begged.
Her eyes narrowed into slim slits as she hissed, “I thought I told you I
didn’t want to talk.”
“Please,” Darren kept pleading. “I just wanna know why I should stay away
from you.”
“Because you just should. Now leave me alone!” Faith yelled into his face as
she slammed the door.
“Faith!” Darren began to pound on her door. “Faith! Open up! Faith!”
Finding it to be no use, he quit and walked down the hall, defeated and broken.
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