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Chapter
19: Why Did You Have To Love Me?
Darren silently paced the door of the emergency room waiting for a doctor to
come out and talk to him about Faith’s condition. The image of her shaking
violently lingered in his mind even though he was trying hard to forget about
it.
“Come on, Darren. Sit down. You’re making me nervous,” Morgan said as she
sat down on one of the hard plastic chairs and cradled Hope in her arms.
“I’m sorry,” he replied, taking a seat beside her. “I’m just really
scared, that’s all. Leo says I pace when I’m scared, so I’m sorry if I’m
making you so nervous. I can’t help it.”
“I understand. I know what you mean. I’ve got my own problem with
nervousness. I bite my nails off. Thankfully with Hope in my arms I can’t do
it,” she explained.
“Let me hold her for a little while. I need something else to occupy my
mind,” Darren said as he reached over and took Hope into his arms. “You’d
better not start biting your nails, though.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Morgan retorted. “I wonder when they’re
gonna let us see her.”
“Me too. I need to know what’s wrong. It’s scaring me to death not being
able to help her.”
“Are you still in love?”
“Still in love? Wow, the understatement of the year.”
“So you are?”
“I’m more than in love with her. She’s my live, my existence. Those nine
months without her were a living nightmare for me. I couldn’t concentrate, I
couldn’t write, I couldn’t do anything. I started drinking again,” Darren
confessed as he rocked Hope back and forth.
“You started drinking again? That’s awful. How did you manage to stop?”
Morgan asked.
“Leo and AA. I don’t know how many times that girl has saved my ass. I
seriously need to return the favor one of these days. I don’t know how, but I
will,” he replied.
“You and Faith are like two peas in a pod. I don’t know how many times
I’ve also saved her ass. I swear, leave that girl alone at a party, and she
won’t be back for days,” she told him.
“I know what you mean. I wouldn’t let her touch liquor or anything else for
that matter while we were together.”
“Yeah, I noticed. That was the first time I had seen her clean in years. She
was so happy at that time. I could see it in her eyes that she was head over
heels in love with you, and she still is, she just won’t admit it to anyone,
not even herself.”
“You wanna know something odd?” Darren asked as he remembered the strange
conversation on the roof about a month before.
“What?” Morgan replied, perking up.
“Faith told me the strangest thing. We were up on the roof of the apartment
building looking up at the sky when we both saw a shooting star. We made our
wished and I asked her what hers was. You know what she told me?”
“What?”
“She wanted to get married before she died. Then she went to say another
strange thing. She didn’t want to marry me because it was crazy. Okay, why
would she tell me that she wanted to get married, but not to me? Is she trying
to say something?” Darren rambled, his mind racing as he tried to figure out
Faith’s mystery once and for all.
Morgan looked at him with a confused expression on her face. “What the hell?
She actually said that she wanted to get married?” she replied, still shocked
by what she was hearing.
“Yeah, but not to me because it was crazy and why would anyone want to marry
her if she was about to die,” he said.
The answer struck Morgan almost as quickly as she could get it out of her mouth.
“She wants you to pop the question.”
“What? Really?” Darren replied. “Why do you say that?”
“Well, taking into consideration everything that’s happened: the baby, the
cancer eating her away, and the fact that Ben and I are getting married, you
could easily conclude that she wants the same thing. She wants her own family.
She’s already got part of it, the baby, now all she needs is love from the
father, which she also has but doesn’t see,” Morgan explained.
“So you think I should propose to her?” he asked.
“Yeah, but let me talk to her before you do. Let me explain a few things to
her so she understands. Okay?”
“Yeah, go ahead. I’m glad you’re stepping in. I don’t want her to reject
me when I do.”
“Don’t worry. Once I get through with her, she’ll be practically begging
you for the ring.”
A doctor in green scrubs walked into the waiting room with a clipboard in his
hands. He looked around the room and asked, “Anyone here for Faith Somers?”
“Yeah, us,” Darren replied as he and Morgan stood up.
“Could you please come with me?” the doctor said as he started to walk out
the door again. “I’m Dr. Stanley Harris. I’ve been treating Faith for the
last few hours. I’m afraid I have some bad news about her condition.” He led
them into a private waiting room as Darren and Morgan stared at each other with
worried eyes.
“What is it?” Morgan asked, her concern showing in her shaky voice.
“I think you already know Faith has a cancerous tumor in her brain located
near her motor strip,” Dr. Harris said.
“Yeah, we already know,” Darren replied. “What’s wrong? What’s
happened?”
“Well, the tumor is dangerously close to the motor strip. Its growth rate has
accelerated, which pretty much means Faith’s time has been cut in half. We
have asked her if she wants to take the kemo, but she refuses. It could give her
a couple of more months, but then there are the side effects,” the doctor
explained.
“I know,” Morgan said. “Faith told me about how painful it was going
through her life with the throwing up and her inability to keep a meal down. I
think that’s why she’s refusing.”
“What?” Darren nearly cried. “Why would she want to do that?”
“You haven’t seen anyone go through kemo, have you?” Morgan almost angrily
asked. “I guarantee you that it’s not a nice way to live your life. If you
think this is bad, you should take a look at the pictures of Faith the last time
she was in the hospital battling cancer. Those are some pretty disturbing
pictures. They scared me to death when I first saw them.”
“But… But… But…” he tried to find some way to reply.
“Don’t start with me, Darren. Let Faith make her own decisions,” she
grumbled. He stared at her with wide eyes, unable to comprehend what was going
on. Denial, he knew, and some time soon he’d learn to accept the fact that
Faith didn’t want to live her life in pain.
He turned to the doctor and asked, “Can we go see her?”
“Of course. She’s in room twelve down the hall to your right,” Dr. Harris
answered as he opened the door for them.
The two of them silently walked down the corridor to Faith’s room and entered
without saying a word. Morgan was still pissed at him for being so naive. Darren
knew he shouldn’t open his mouth because she’d only rip into him. As they
came into the room, Faith sat up, a lopsided smile running across her thin lips.
Darren was relieved to see her so full of life and immediately went to her bed
to kiss her.
“You scared me,” he barely whispered as tears began to form in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Faith replied as she held onto him. She could feel that
Darren was still tense and decided to ask, “What’s wrong?”
He looked at her wondering how he was going to explain himself after what had
just happened between him and Morgan in the waiting room. Finally, Darren said,
“Why don’t you wanna go on the kemo?”
Faith gave him a painful stare and shot a glance over at Morgan, who was eying
him as of she were about to kill him. Darren swallowed hard and realized that it
was the wrong thing to ask. He started inching away from Faith’s bed towards
the door.
“Where are you going?” Morgan hissed.
“I… I… I was gonna go take a seat over there,” Darren answered
nervously, pointing to a chair at the far corner of the room.
“Daz, Morgan, what’s going on?” Faith asked when she noticed the tension
between them.
“He’s being selfish,” Morgan answered as she pointed her finger towards
Darren.
“What?” he screeched.
“You’re being selfish,” she repeated.
“What makes you think I’m being selfish?” Darren retorted as he stood up
and faced her.
“Hmm… Gee… I wonder. Maybe it’s the fact that you want to keep Faith
alive for as long as possible and let her suffer more with the kemo,” Morgan
answered as she put her hands on her hips and faced him.
“You really think that’s my motive?”
“Yes, unless you can prove me wrong.”
“What the hell! What other motive could I possibly have besides the fact that
I’m in love with her?”
“I rest my case,” Morgan said as a big grin came across her face. She turned
around, satisfied that she had just proved to Faith that Darren did love her.
Darren, on the other hand, turned beet red. He didn’t realize it until then
that this had been Morgan’s plan. ‘Oh, shit,’ he thought, quickly
swiveling around and heading out the door without another word.
Faith sat in her bed, her face expressionless. She couldn’t believe what had
just happened. Darren had freely admitted that he loved her, but her mind
refused to believe it. She could feel her heart racing. Glancing over at Morgan,
she saw the smile on her face.
“I told you,” she said, still grinning.
Faith simply nodded, afraid that if she spoke, she’d end up yelling at her
friend for being so cruel. She didn’t want to know that Darren loved her
because it would only end up hurting her more. Faith already wanted to live a
little longer, but knowing this about Darren made her want to live forever. Her
eyes began to well with tears as she turned her face away from Morgan.
‘Bitch,’ Faith thought as her blood boiled with anger.
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