Epilogue: Part 1: Trying To Move On

Epilogue: Part 1: Trying To Move On

"I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret I
've finally found strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself I
've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on"

Darren stood in front of Faith's coffin at the cemetery as they lowered it into the ground where she would spend the rest of eternity. That entire week had past by him in a blur. Nothing seemed real, only his pain and discomfort. He was still in denial that this could happen to him, but it had, and he was barely learning to accept it. Not even his family or friends could help him. This would have to be something he pulled himself through. At least he still had Hope. She was the only thing driving him to live and move on. If not for her, he probably would have committed suicide by now.

From behind him, Darren could hear his daughter begin to cry as they started to pour the dirt onto the coffin. He turned around and took her from Morgan. Almost all the others had gone, with the exception of her, Ben, Daniel, and Leonie. They stood by his side and watched as the last of the dirt was shoveled into place. The six turned away together and walked to their waiting black limo. As they left the cemetery, the press seemed to appear almost out of thin air, their flashes going off simultaneously. It was now back to the apartment where the reception would be held only for a few short hours.

Darren walked through that day with little feeling. His mind was off in space while his body clung to the ground. His eyes told his friends that he really wasn't there and didn't want to talk. He distanced himself from anyone and everyone around him. This definitely wasn't the day to socialize.

The next few weeks also passed the same way. The distance between Darren and the rest of the world seemed to grow with every second that passed. The man who was once the most sociable person on earth had become the man who lost himself amid the crowd and was never seen again. He stayed in the apartment, drinking and wallowing in his sorrows. It didn't seem like he was doing what Faith had asked him to do. He was almost ready to give up everything when he received a phone call from Leonie.

"Daz, you gotta get out of the house for a little while and do something with your life," she said. "The record company wants you to release one more single before doing another album. The song they chose was 'I Miss You.' They thought it was appropriate for the occasion, if you know what I mean."

"Whatever," he mumbled.

"Darren, quit acting like it's the end of the world. This isn't you. Wake up and smell the roses. You're not dead yet. People still love you and need you. Come on. Come to Australia so we can discuss everything," Leonie begged him.

Darren thought deeply for a few minutes before he finally, reluctantly, answered, "Alright. I'll come, as long as things are on my terms."

"Great! I already have a flight booked for you tomorrow. You leave O'Hare at 11:30 in the morning on United flight 286 and you should be here around 12:50 the next day," she rambled.

"Okay, bye," Darren replied as he hung up. Looking at his watch, he realized it was nearing two in the morning. He went straight to his room and started throwing things onto his bed. A couple of shirts, a few pairs of pants and a jacket were sufficient enough for the trip. He walked into what used to be Morgan's room (who had long ago moved back to New York to continue school) and grabbed a couple of things for Hope also. Everything was dumped into a suitcase and set down by the door.

* * *

"This is what I want to do," Darren said as he stood up out of his chair and began to pace the conference room of the record company's building in downtown Sydney. "The single will be released all over the world along with a video that I don't want to shoot at all. I want this," he added, holding up Faith's DVD, "as the video. A few clips are all that's needed. Since this song is supposed to reflect what has recently happened in my life, this is better than spending a million dollars on a video that I really don't want to be in. Besides, Faith always wanted to be a music video director. I want this to be her debut even though she won't be around to see it premier."

The record company executives were quick to okay the project, and as soon as all the legalities had been straightened out, it was off to the postproduction studios to pick the DVD clips that would appear in the video and finish it. The process only took a couple of days to complete, and soon it was off to the music stations around the world. It would only be a matter of weeks before the video debuted along with the song on national radio stations all over the world.

Darren stayed in Australia with his family as everything was happening so suddenly. It was nice to forget everything for a few weeks before returning to reality. His parents were sensitive enough not to mention anything about Faith, especially her death. They knew what had happened, they had seen the video. His friends were the same way. They never asked questions or mentioned anything about his late wife.

It seemed like only a few days had passed from the time he had arrived in Australia to the time the single was released. It was an overnight sensation, people requesting it left and right, the video being played on MTV and VH1 almost once every hour. But all this fame and success didn't really mean anything to Darren anymore. He just wanted to sink into the shadows and be alone for a little while. He now knew how Daniel felt when they decided to split.

After things had calmed down considerably, Darren returned to Chicago, the last place he wanted to be. It seemed like the last place he wanted to be since it reminded him too much of Faith. He knew it was time to get away from there, pack up and move to the first city he fell in love with in the US, San Francisco.

"I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on"

Packing up everything in the apartment that he could into a large truck, Darren and Hope started a two-day journey to California where they would make their new home. His old apartment was still as he remembered it, except for that fact that all his stuff was covered in dust and needed cleaning badly. It only took a couple of days to clean things out and start fresh again.

But the memory of Faith's death never seemed to be far from Darren's mind. She was in his dreams at night, telling him that everything would be okay and that she was still around, only he couldn't see her. The images haunted him until he started taking up drinking again. It was as if alcohol was the only thing keeping him from losing his grip on reality. The downside, though, was that he didn't pay too much attention to his life anymore. He had hired a nanny to take care of Hope while he was out partying on the town so he wouldn't have to worry about her.

A year had passed, then two, three, four, and five. Hope was growing up fast and beginning to wonder what had happened to her mother. Darren decided the only way he would keep her safe from doing what Faith had done in her life was to lie to her about what had happened. He told her that her mother had left when she was a baby and that Darren didn't know what happened to her.

At the same time, Darren had dropped completely from the public eye. Nobody seemed to know his name or remember any of his music. Just as he had hope, he was now in the shadows where he could produce albums instead of make them.

"At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantee, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

"I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on"

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