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Faith
Break
“That was one hell of an episode that I don’t remember at all. I don’t
even remember waking up the next morning and talking to Darren. Just finding him
in my bed was weird as hell. At first I thought we had sex or something, but
then I looked him over again finding that he was fully dressed and realized that
something else must have happened.
“I can see why I went crazy that night. Rebecca had been on my mind for a
while, and suppressing everything in the last seven months only added fuel to
the fire. I knew I should have talked to my counselor when I had the chance, but
I’m the stubborn, thickheaded one of the group. When I have my mind set on
something, I do it. And I had my mind set on not talking to a counselor because
I thought I could get through this by myself.
“Rebecca was my best, best friend. We were like two peas in a pod. We were
inseparable. We did everything together. She was like my sister. I remember when
we used to go on double dates and sleepovers together. She was the coolest
person in the world. Everybody loved her. Then high school happened. I’m not
blaming anyone for what happened to her, except for myself. We should have never
started going to those wild parties. We should have just stuck to going out to
dinner or to movies over the weekend. Maybe then she would still be here.
“What was I thinking when I let Spaz take her place? If anything, Morgan
deserved my right hand position more than she did. Then again, Spaz has changed
over the years. We started out as really good friends, but then we got into
several fights over guys during out junior year of high school. That’s when I
really started to hang out with Rebecca more and leaving Spaz out of everything
we did. I knew she didn’t like that. I knew she was pissed off at both of us
for leaving her out. But then we made up, and everything was good, up until the
point where we lost Rebecca.
“I don’t think anyone will ever take Becky’s place. She was the only real
friend that I had. She was… I don’t even know how to put it. She was my
sister in more ways than one. Rebecca and I had built this huge empire in the
school. We were the two most popular people, then she died and Spaz happily took
her place. That’s what I meant about the whole empire thing. I was still the
most powerful one of the group, but Spaz began to try and take that from me.
Everything time she knocked me down, I kicked her back to second place and
restored my power.
“I know that sounds a little weird, but that’s what happened. I guess we
can’t change the past, can we? I wish I could. I’d stop Rebecca from taking
that lethal dose of heroin and keep Spaz far away from me. I know she added
extra coke in my syringe that night we all got high. I know she was trying to
cripple, maybe even kill me because I was spending so much time with Darren and
not pay any attention to her.
“She is so damn needy. Sometimes I just wanna smack her upside the head and
tell her to fuck off when I want to be alone, or alone with someone. She has no
sense. Typical blond bimbo. See, I’m not really a blond, I’m a brunette. I
just dye my hair blond to look good for the guys since I read somewhere that
guys prefer blond girls over brunettes.
“I hope Darren’s not that way. He’s too nice to be an asshole like all the
other guys I’ve met. He’s cool. He’s got that aura that makes him so much
more, yet he doesn’t take that power and use it in the wrong way. He’s like
the president or something. Yeah, odd comparison, but it’s the only thing I
could think of.
“Well, anyway, the next couple of days were rocky, in both senses of the word.
I was mixed up and completely disoriented to the point where Leonie thought I
was getting sick and wanted me to go to a doctor. I refused saying that I’d be
able to fight it off because I had a strong immune system. On top of that, we
were going through the Appalachians, so of course I was getting a little head
sick because we were so high above sea level.
“I got over the ear popping experience and made it to Pittsburgh without any
serious damage to myself or the others. Darren kept me company most of the time
on the bus. Actually, he wouldn’t let me out of his sight and forbid me to get
near any alcoholic beverages fearing that I’d only end up trying to kill
myself again. He even had the nerve to tell me I should be going to AA meetings.
“I should take his advice. I don’t think anyone has ever cared this much
about me. Darren is a great guy. He deserves better than me. I’m only going to
get him into trouble, maybe even hooked onto heroin. I should either stay away
from him, or go sober while we’re on this tour. We’ll probably never see
each other again. And it wouldn’t hurt to wake up with a clear head for once.
“Okay, enough about that. It’s only depressing me. The Pittsburgh show was
great. As usual, it went without any serious problems. But after the show, the
problems started…”
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