Gone

Rating: PG

Characters: Darren

Summary: Darren reflects on the day he and his love, Natalya, broke up.

Music: ‘N Sync - Gone

Author’s Note: Yes, another song fic. I think I’m gonna be rolling these things out for a little while.

Feedback/Comments: Send them all to Dmmuzicfan@aol.com

Disclaimers: I don’t own Savage Garden or “Gone,” so don’t bite my head off about it.

So, onto the fic…

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“There's a thousand words that I could say
To make you come home
Seems so long ago you walked away
Left me alone
And I remember what you said to me
You were acting so strange,
Maybe I was too blind to see
That you needed a change
Was it something I said
To make you turn away
To make you walk out and leave me cold
If I could just find a way
To make it so that you were right here
Right now…”

Darren aimlessly walked down the narrow halls of his apartment building, his icy blue eyes hollowly staring at the expansive space on the fifth floor he called his home. But it wasn’t home. It didn’t feel the same now that she was gone. He could still remember those mornings he found himself staring at her golden locks as she lay motionless on the pillow beside him in his bed.

Those days were long gone. More than two months had passed since Natalya left. Darren was still reluctant to let go of her memory. He kept a black and white photo of her beside his bed, and at night he’d stare at it for hours before drifting off into a restless sleep. He’d dream of her soft pale pink lips and her chocolate brown eyes and the way her hair flew into her face as they strolled down the city streets in the early evening holding hands and watching the sun set.

Darren was now wishing he knew why Natalya had left so quickly that cold October morning. She always told him everything from how her day at the spa went to her fears about not being able to make it as a model. She wasn’t the type of person to hold things in and let them fester, or was she?

The more Darren thought about her, the more miserable he became. He sat down on the couch and turned on the TV after finding the remote on the wooden coffee table beside him. Finding nothing on the tube, Darren turned it off and reached for the notebook under his couch cushion. This was his private retreat, a place where he could pour out his heart and not have to worry about others seeing him. Writing was his only escape from hell and into a more pleasant state of mind. 

“I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth re-mains
You're… Gone
You're… gone
Baby you're… gone

Girl you're gone
Baby girl you're gone
You're… gone
You're…”

The notebook contained thousands of entries about Natalya, everything from the day they met to the present. Whole songs had been dedicated to her love, but they had been forgotten. Every entry from the last two months had been geared towards breaking up, suicide, and death.

Looking back at the last few pages, Darren decided to reflect on everything by writing a letter to Natalya even though he knew she’d never get it. This was his way of dealing with the loss. He didn’t know what he wanted to say; he just let his hand scribble every thought that entered his mind.

“Natalya, I wish you were here. I miss you. There’s not a day that passes by where I don’t think about you. There are times when the pain gets so unbearable that I want to kill myself so you’ll stop haunting me. What did I do to scare you away? Was it something I said, or something that I didn’t say? Did I not tell you I loved you enough? Whatever it was, I promise I’ll never do it again. I’d do anything to make it up to you. Just come back to me, please,” Darren wrote. His hand was on a roll, so he didn’t stop there. “I sit around all day doing nothing. The hours pass by as if they were days, and linger as if they were a fog. I tried everything to get you off my mind, but nothing worked. It’s ripping my heart out not knowing why you left me. I wish you would have said something, at least then I wouldn’t be torturing myself like I am now. It’s something about not knowing that makes the problem worse. Please, tell me, someday. I miss you. I love you.”

“Now I don't wanna make excuses baby
Won't change the fact that you're gone
But if there is something that I could do
Won't you please let me know
The time is passing so slowly now
Guess that's my life without you
And maybe I could change my every day
But baby I don't want to
So I'll just hang around
And find some things to do
To take my mind off missing you
And I know in my heart
You can't say that you don't love me too
Please say you do
Yeah…”

Darren ended his letter to Natalya abruptly. The flood of memories he experienced was far more than he could handle. He threw the pen onto the coffee table and slammed the thick black tattered notebook cover shut. He stared at it for a long time, his ice blue eyes never straying away from it for even a second.

Darren thought about throwing the it into the trash in hopes of the horrible memories going along with it, but then he remembered all the wonderful memories that were in the beginning of the notebook. He opened it to a page near the middle and began to read.

“There are so many things I can say about Natalya, but there’s only one that I truly want to remember about her. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Her hair is the perfect color of golden blond. Her eyes are just the right shade of milk chocolate. Her skin is the creamiest white I’ve ever seen. And her hands, well, they’re in a category of their own, so soft and silky. Their touch sends the warmest tingle up my spine. I’ve never felt anything like it. There’s so much in a single touch, I’d probably fill the notebook if I even tried to describe it.”

Darren smiled weakly and turned the page. “I have a confession to make. I think I’m in love with Natalya. There’s no doubt in my mind that I am. I have all the symptoms. I long for her every second that she’s gone. I dream about her at night. I kiss her and I see the rest of my life flash before my eyes. It’s all about her. She touches me, and instantly I’m happy. Every time we dance and she comes closer to me, I get tingles throughout my entire body.”

“I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth re-mains

You're… Gone
You're… gone
You're gone
You're… gone
You're… gone”

Darren stopped reading the entries in his notebook and slammed it closed again. Letting go was going to be so hard for him. He had fallen so deeply in love with Natalya, and now he had to let it all go and move on, but to what, to who? There couldn’t be another Natalya. There was no one like her in the entire world.

“What will I do
If I can't be with you
Tell me where will I turn to
Baby where will I be
Now that we are apart
Am I still in your heart
Baby why don't you see
That I need you here with me
Oh…”

“That’s it!” Darren said as he slid the notebook under the couch cushion and stood up. He walked into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. His hand gently glazed the top of the bedspread as he made his way to the bathroom. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and thought for a few moments.

Dissatisfied and angered by the dark purple circles that lined his eyes, Darren smashed his fist on the countertop then left the bathroom. He was getting annoyed by being home alone while everyone else enjoyed themselves. He finally picked up his jacked and headed for the door.

“I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man
And be strong
I've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth re-mains you're gone

I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man
And be strong
I've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth re-mains

You're… Gone
You're… Gone
You're gone
Baby girl you're… gone
You're… gone
But the truth re-mains
You're…”

Just as Darren was about to leave the apartment, he noticed a corner of an envelope sticking out from under his door. He gently pulled it out and opened it. His name was on the front, and inside the letter was Natalya’s.

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